I told her I wanted to be everything

I don't know how to put this gently....but I am typing this in bed right now. In other words, I got a sweet laptop for christmas.

Christmas, is the same every year. We have talked about the same subject since I was ten. It basically ruins christmas for everyone except the two people who find it necessary to bring it up. And my cousin loves to bring up how her and I are the only two normal ones in this dysfunctional family. Too bad she doesn't see that she is as dysfunctional as the rest. As am I.

I went to my Grandmother's house today. It is so heartbreaking to see the neighborhood dilapidate, and her house is slowly deteriorating. My memories of childhood summers are falling apart with the place. The aluminum swing set was still there, rusting away with the weather. I can smell the summer and hear the running paces between me and other children, pushing the swings at eachother.

My "uncle" Chris was there tonight. He has lost mass amounts of weight and really cannot walk too well. Even with death in close perspective, his attitude hasn't changed.

The Christmas Belle, my grandmother, has changed immensely from the time of the funeral. Her spirit is still there with us but her mind is aloof.

Read me your favorite line.
E.E. Cummings sits next to me. If you haven't read any of his works, I highly suggest it.

"i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss,"

intense.