Tuesday, January 03, 2006

conflicts of enlightenment

I think I might have a panic attack. like beth did.

mistakes I cannot afford. i feel very intensely scared and confused. what exactly happened to let me drop everything?

nothing has changed.

i've changed. Since last year to now, I am constant with my personality, and yet I feel as though I have transformed into two different people. My New Years was so reflective and now I am afraid to go back and forget everything. Who I am. What it feels like to be me, because i forget a lot.

I feel like a disappointment to some. Then again, i am not sure if I really care. I have virginia superslims in my purse right now...how does that make you feel?

my dreams last night consisted of my brother and his new situation that has me in complete resentment to him. i was yelling and crying... he stood there apathetically. quite realistic in almost every sense.

i let my dirty laundry out to dry. it is a sickening habit of mine. sorry to all who must face it. even the clothes hamper.

there are moments in your life that are so exhilarating and refreshing that through the normal every-day life, it just happens to replay over and over. The same smells and sounds are re-lived in the facets of your brain. no one will ever really understand how it impacted you and why, so you just keep quiet and allow yourself the mental paradise to get away in the moment.




the rust and rain endure.

love is forgetful.

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