i must have really high blood pressure. last thursday i had two nose bleeds in one day, which I have never had before. and last night was the second time i have had an anxiety attack. my throat began to close up and everything gets dizzy.

i feel nervous blogging as i hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

i don't know whats going to happen but i am exhausted from yelling and crying.
one week left and my parents have taken everything away from a good kid.

i have been told i have to pay room and board. i have to decide whether i am a cchild or an adult. i thought the benefits of being a young adult was that you really weren't either and you were excused from deciding.

it's ok. the future calms me again.

i hate my mother. cliche as it sounds there is nothing to change her mind about what she feels about me. she repeatedly called me a fool. said some of the most spiteful and hurtful words than backed it up with that i should look around to see who is there for me.
hypocrites.

so i ended up bawling and i can feel myself starting to cry now.

it doesn't matter who you are because in the end people are going to believe what they want to believe. according to my mother i am a whore fool who has lost everythign about herself for a bum named Joe, that he has taken everything from my personality to the God i pray to repeatedly.

does it really matter.

this is a letter to the people i cannot connect or make contact with.
i give up. it is easier to sell your soul than to fight for what you feel is what i have learned. lie. the truth will not be believed so whats the point in arguing.