My mind is set on autopilot. Smile, nod, make a reply that actually makes sense to the conversation and isn't a fragment. Half the time I really don't know what I am saying, I'm just trying to get through the damn sentence. It doesn't really matter though, half of the things you say, you've said before. You are my father's brother's daughter whom I never see, and choose not to talk to. Really i do not need to be saved by the catholic church and no I never wanted to be a nun. But thanks, I appreciate the concern, but I would prefer if you had no concern.
I zoned out a bit there, i can't really focus, my memory has faded a little,I have to write everything down. I found a letter the other day, which in shock I threw into a drawer for fear of someone finding it. For fear that i might find it and send it. Or the letters to myself I used to write that are hidden in the yellow room down the hall (shoebox in the closet).
I'd rather make terrible mistakes in life than listen to your crackpipe advice.
Love and kisses.
c'est moi
- elise
- The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.
6 comments:
I’m blown away by your power of self-observation ..thoughts are mostly dialogues and messages we’d like to send to others ..but are afraid to ..that’s beautiful.
You posts have a literary quality ..personal and compelling
a heartfelt zen man homage
Oh, and I changed the photo below ..with your permission ..I’d like to post it.
kirsten dunst is an excellent choice ..i loved eternal sunshine !! I actually had ‘claire danes’ in mind ..but kirsten is much better.
well written.
i like that you used to write letters to yourself. i bet those are weird to read.
and i remember writing a post very similar to this one, about my sister. we both have 'uppity moral perfectionists' up. our. asses.
ahhhh, i like these colors ..! I couldn't wait to post your photo because I'll be on the road ..and I wanted to access it online from UC Santa Cruz ..it's on my blog ..i'll remove it if you want ~ Lee
crackpipe advice... That is so rich.
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