It's 6 pm and I'm already tipsy. Stumble upstairs toward my shitty laptop i write my thoughts upon and complain. As i finally get to this point of writing i realize, perhaps drinking isn't the best for me due to it's depressing attributes it gives so freely. But I like to be loose. I like to "loose" myself. And while I have this small opportunity I will take it with open arms and wish i had a cigarette not a guilt trip. But unfortunately i have the latter of the two. Thank goodness for spell check, otherwise this would be impossible to read. I'm too busy sipping from my drink rather checking errors on this blank page.
Where shall life take this world of mine. I'm already bitter and the evening hasn't even begun! I just want my own place. Not our's but mine. I want mine. Set me into the wild and see branch off on my own. I will climb to where ever life will open it's path. I guess I'm doing that.
I'm so limited. I will lack stories to tell the little ones, and who knows if they will even ask. I am unable to let go and be free. I cannot allow myself to draw freely, paint freely, write freely. I must censor. I want to be so many things, and there are so many details to each person to be I can't keep track, and I cannot decide on who to be. SO unfortunately I am all and I am nothing. I am an anything everything nothing mess to be had. So if you would like to pick up the pieces and finish this piece I am trying to piece together please find me, because there is no way i can piece myself together.
c'est moi
- elise
- The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.
1 comment:
i don't even know what to say to this.. because you're not looking for 'i love you's or denials. And we don't talk in person about this, so i feel like any response on my part is unwanted. BUT since when do people find themselves so early? yes, you are very mature, but you've still only had nineteen years to learn about yourself. nineteen years to pick and choose attributes, and become someone. you don't have to be just one person. you can take waht you want from mulitiple people, and leave what you don't.
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