i really hope i don't work today.
currently i am reading franny and zooey. perhaps i don't have much to say anymore because i haven'tread anymore. there's something to discuss thats better than " i don't know".
my faher and i used to have conversations when i agreed with him. Now I am constantly insulted and even a little ignored until his guilty conscious eats away at him. Lately I am a "communist" or better yet a "fascist" because i have gone vegetarian. Today he told me "I didn't know I raised Gandi." in a very negative way. Which personally to me doesn't make sense because he was a good guy.
Then again I don't think i should let any of this bother me because my father used to tell me when I was little, " You don't want to play soccer. Soccer is a communist sport."
And my mother just sits there on my father's side because she has nothing to say and much rather be angry and miserable in her life than just support her drama. My family lives on drama.
After feeling very alone, i imagined myself curling up so tightly into a ball that i turned into a period mark in the sentence. I don't say much, but i finish the sentence. I just want to finish.
i wrote a poem a long while back. I have only allowed one person to read, who happened to love it. Unfortunately I know for a fact that joe would hate it and probably tell me it was ridiculous. I've wanted to post it, although it's unfinished but my insecurities hold me back. its ok if i'm not a poet. really. it is.
i miss the winter's harsh night air. where it slightly hurts to breathe but you can feel it in every bone.
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2 comments:
I’m sorry you can’t talk to your father the way you used to ..that hurts. I have the same problem with my father. My theory is that his world-view has become ‘scripted’ ..meaning he listens to me just long enough to retrieve a mental script he can read from ..that’s usually out-of-date ..but takes over. It’s a convenient handle. I get the communist script too ..the last time was when I brought up my holistic health practice. I don’t get the satisfaction of completing my ideas anymore. How old is your father ..?
I love your poetic posts.
Hey. How you have been? Long time no? I see so many things go in your head. Glad you have been posting through out. As I knew a few bloggers quitting blaming other bloggers for not giving them enough attention.
May be they were having some agenda while they blogged. Not realising it they quit. But blaming other bloggers who cared to read their blog was not fair. What you think?
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