It's the warmest december I can remember. If i just look at the sky, it a winter sky, clear and crisp. The ground doesn't have an inch of snow, I don't really have to wear a coat outside. The ground bleeds mud, pleading to the sky for snow. Perhaps this is the weather, yet again, paralleling to my life. Situations that are too warm for the season, so muddy i could easily get stuck in it. So my plan is to follow that clear crisp sky and inhale the cold air til my lungs hurt.
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had, had to go
Never to go
The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
In my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
at those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times
Friday, December 15, 2006
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Tales of the Babysitter
Everything changes, thoughts of life coming begins to feel like a sucker punch to the stomach. I've gotten so close to one family and now they plan to leave. Three years of breaking the children in, three years of learning the routine; bedtimes, feeding times, play times, 'brush your teeth' times, and the, 'goodnight we'll play tomorrow' times, has become quite the bittersweet feeling.
Now I've got to say, I've been babysitting since I was 12, and by the time I hit 16, i said to myself I was never going to have kids. Way too much work for snotty spoiled children. Way too much to lose. You could really screw up a kid, and a kid isn't any toy you can just throw away for the night, because you want to go out...even if you haven't seen the kid for 3 days. Which specifically reminds me of a few families, and yes I know we all have our own dysfunctional families (especially my own), that are the parents who have kids for career moves or because all the other house wives are doing it. Or another family, who couldn't manage their 4 year old twins, so gave them everything they wanted, even if it didn't fit within their budget...but a crying kid (times two!!) is worse than stubbing your two, or missing the nail and hitting your hand, on purpose. Which then leads to a babysitter's nightmare: The Creepy Dad (aka Chester the Molester), Denis The Menace Twins (which made HIM look like an angel!), The Overprotective Mother (who happens to call every 20 minutes just to "check up"),
The Child Who Just Learned How to Lie (it becomes their favorite game after that), The Parents Who Underpay Even Though They Have the Money, And finally The Three's a Crowd So Let's Invite the All the Neighboorhood's Kids For the Night.
But I'm not here to complain, I'm here to look back fondly. Because now, the last and only family I babysit anymore, has decided to move. And they were great parents, with great kids. The one family who has redeemed my lost hopes for parenthood and children.
Maybe I will have kids someday.
Now I've got to say, I've been babysitting since I was 12, and by the time I hit 16, i said to myself I was never going to have kids. Way too much work for snotty spoiled children. Way too much to lose. You could really screw up a kid, and a kid isn't any toy you can just throw away for the night, because you want to go out...even if you haven't seen the kid for 3 days. Which specifically reminds me of a few families, and yes I know we all have our own dysfunctional families (especially my own), that are the parents who have kids for career moves or because all the other house wives are doing it. Or another family, who couldn't manage their 4 year old twins, so gave them everything they wanted, even if it didn't fit within their budget...but a crying kid (times two!!) is worse than stubbing your two, or missing the nail and hitting your hand, on purpose. Which then leads to a babysitter's nightmare: The Creepy Dad (aka Chester the Molester), Denis The Menace Twins (which made HIM look like an angel!), The Overprotective Mother (who happens to call every 20 minutes just to "check up"),
The Child Who Just Learned How to Lie (it becomes their favorite game after that), The Parents Who Underpay Even Though They Have the Money, And finally The Three's a Crowd So Let's Invite the All the Neighboorhood's Kids For the Night.
But I'm not here to complain, I'm here to look back fondly. Because now, the last and only family I babysit anymore, has decided to move. And they were great parents, with great kids. The one family who has redeemed my lost hopes for parenthood and children.
Maybe I will have kids someday.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
no hesitation
I don't know what i said last night, drunken phone calls always leave a bitter taste in my mouth. The last thing I remember is the tears rolling down my face and repeating, "I don't think I believe you anymore." Whether that was in my head or was actually said, I have no idea.
My mind feels so fresh out here. I have nothing expected of me, and I am actually giggling and laughing hysterically like a girl my age should do every day. But being home with all the pressures an average person faces, I have a lack of the needed laughter that I am getting right now. There's excitement every hour, figuring out, whats next, who to see next. I won't hesitate no more, no more.
Free food, free laughter, real life. I love my friends so much, my appreciation exceeds anything right now. They give me strength in the places where I am the weakest.
It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved.
My mind feels so fresh out here. I have nothing expected of me, and I am actually giggling and laughing hysterically like a girl my age should do every day. But being home with all the pressures an average person faces, I have a lack of the needed laughter that I am getting right now. There's excitement every hour, figuring out, whats next, who to see next. I won't hesitate no more, no more.
Free food, free laughter, real life. I love my friends so much, my appreciation exceeds anything right now. They give me strength in the places where I am the weakest.
It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved.
no hesitation
I don't know what i said last night, drunken phone calls always leave a bitter taste in my mouth. The last thing I remember is the tears rolling down my face and repeating, "I don't think I believe you anymore." Whether that was in my head or was actually said, I have no idea.
My mind feels so fresh out here. I have nothing expected of me, and I am actually giggling and laughing hysterically like a girl my age should do every day. But being home with all the pressures an average person faces, I have a lack of the needed laughter that I am getting right now. There's excitement every hour, figuring out, whats next, who to see next. I won't hesitate no more, no more.
Free food, free laughter, real life. I love my friends so much, my appreciation exceeds anything right now. They give me strength in the places where I am the weakest.
It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved.
My mind feels so fresh out here. I have nothing expected of me, and I am actually giggling and laughing hysterically like a girl my age should do every day. But being home with all the pressures an average person faces, I have a lack of the needed laughter that I am getting right now. There's excitement every hour, figuring out, whats next, who to see next. I won't hesitate no more, no more.
Free food, free laughter, real life. I love my friends so much, my appreciation exceeds anything right now. They give me strength in the places where I am the weakest.
It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved.
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