i'm the girl on the escalator going the wrong way. the one who can't swim and ended up in the deep end.
my mother thinks that the arts aren't for me.
then i honestly don't know what is.
i was sure that photography was.
how come in this school, to be a photographer, i have to be a painter and an illustrator also? my parents probably think i'm a failure. and my cash flow is insanely low. he doesn't call or even answer my calls.
this is me in a pit of depression. i have a painting class next... which i enjoy to paint but hate the critiques. I know mine isn't the best compared to everyone else, but compared to what i have done and my abilities its my best. and if my best isn't good enough, well i just don't know what i can do.
all i want to do is travel. thats it.
goodness i wish i was a smarter person. i make stupid decisions and overestimate myself. time and time again.
my life is too real. far too real.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Catch-up
I can't write long. But I would love to. I decided after class to go get a sandwich and coffee and sit behind the big window in front of the cafe. I watched students flutter by in the rain. Trying not to get their projects and sketch-books drenched in the rain. The good thing about CCAD is there are plenty of huge windows to just daze into and watch the world.
Especially when I need a break.
I'm a bad student. Bad.
Well all I know is that i came into the computer lab to do a project and have ended up on blogger. yet again.
My painting class takes too much out of me to do any work beforehand.
It looks like at this school, everyone is trying to play catch-up. We weren't ready for this world, we were already behind. Always playing catch-up. I know I am. This is due tomorrow, so i can't do the homework for today. The vicious cycle takes a toll on the art students, the standards and cookie cutter techiniques would rip out the soul of any creative young thing.
But it's good for me. I haven't gotten my artist soul yet. hehe. I am in the process of creating one. I don't have much techinique anyways, but I know a few mournful alumni's that miss the way they used to paint, the old ways of drawing, the amatuer youthful style which has become traditional and clean cut.
she tells me she can never get it back.
sad story. but like i said before...i don't draw or paint, so i suppose this is good for me to atleast have one. I'm not picky.
No internet in my place for 5 weeks. That's hard. Let me tell you.
Especially when I need a break.
I'm a bad student. Bad.
Well all I know is that i came into the computer lab to do a project and have ended up on blogger. yet again.
My painting class takes too much out of me to do any work beforehand.
It looks like at this school, everyone is trying to play catch-up. We weren't ready for this world, we were already behind. Always playing catch-up. I know I am. This is due tomorrow, so i can't do the homework for today. The vicious cycle takes a toll on the art students, the standards and cookie cutter techiniques would rip out the soul of any creative young thing.
But it's good for me. I haven't gotten my artist soul yet. hehe. I am in the process of creating one. I don't have much techinique anyways, but I know a few mournful alumni's that miss the way they used to paint, the old ways of drawing, the amatuer youthful style which has become traditional and clean cut.
she tells me she can never get it back.
sad story. but like i said before...i don't draw or paint, so i suppose this is good for me to atleast have one. I'm not picky.
No internet in my place for 5 weeks. That's hard. Let me tell you.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Numbers
I am beginning to understand a little tiny fraction of myself. In this day and age, you must be quick on your feet, fast paced fast thinker. The world roars 'go', as i stand still, watching and waiting for the perfect moment to act. I am by no means anal or a perfectionist. I like to go slow, I like to relax, and I like to handle things at a speed where I am most comfortable and I can truly understand the thoughts that wave in my head. New ideas to be tossed actually is a long process for me.
SO why in the world would I try to take on more than I can handle. Some would call me stupid or far too slow. But it would be stupid of me to do too many things, and create anxiety that doesn't need to take place in my future life-time. And if i can prevent that, by all means I will.
This is my own explanation of why I dropped my 3D class.
Basically my mechanics suck, and i truly cannot handle an 8th class to the schedule. Sorry CCAD, cannot and willnot try.
I have also recently discovered that the graduation rate at Columbus College of Art and Design is quite the meager number.
49% of students will graduate from CCAD. This is apart from the 41% who drop out or transfer to a different school after their first year.
If I was the school, I wouldn't be promoting those statistics.
Either way, life is too short for me to be stressed out over classes that aren't of any specific interest to me. I will take things slow, completely understand , and do things the way things should be done for me.
I find no stupidity in that.
SO why in the world would I try to take on more than I can handle. Some would call me stupid or far too slow. But it would be stupid of me to do too many things, and create anxiety that doesn't need to take place in my future life-time. And if i can prevent that, by all means I will.
This is my own explanation of why I dropped my 3D class.
Basically my mechanics suck, and i truly cannot handle an 8th class to the schedule. Sorry CCAD, cannot and willnot try.
I have also recently discovered that the graduation rate at Columbus College of Art and Design is quite the meager number.
49% of students will graduate from CCAD. This is apart from the 41% who drop out or transfer to a different school after their first year.
If I was the school, I wouldn't be promoting those statistics.
Either way, life is too short for me to be stressed out over classes that aren't of any specific interest to me. I will take things slow, completely understand , and do things the way things should be done for me.
I find no stupidity in that.
Numbers
I am beginning to understand a little tiny fraction of myself. In this day and age, you must be quick on your feet, fast paced fast thinker. The world roars 'go', as i stand still, watching and waiting for the perfect moment to act. I am by no means anal or a perfectionist. I like to go slow, I like to relax, and I like to handle things at a speed where I am most comfortable and I can truly understand the thoughts that wave in my head. New ideas to be tossed actually is a long process for me.
SO why in the world would I try to take on more than I can handle. Some would call me stupid or far too slow. But it would be stupid of me to do too many things, and create anxiety that doesn't need to take place in my future life-time. And if i can prevent that, by all means I will.
This is my own explanation of why I dropped my 3D class.
Basically my mechanics suck, and i truly cannot handle an 8th class to the schedule. Sorry CCAD, cannot and willnot try.
I have also recently discovered that the graduation rate at Columbus College of Art and Design is quite the meager number.
49% of students will graduate from CCAD. This is apart from the 41% who drop out or transfer to a different school after their first year.
If I was the school, I wouldn't be promoting those statistics.
Either way, life is too short for me to be stressed out over classes that aren't of any specific interest to me. I will take things slow, completely understand , and do things the way things should be done for me.
I find no stupidity in that.
SO why in the world would I try to take on more than I can handle. Some would call me stupid or far too slow. But it would be stupid of me to do too many things, and create anxiety that doesn't need to take place in my future life-time. And if i can prevent that, by all means I will.
This is my own explanation of why I dropped my 3D class.
Basically my mechanics suck, and i truly cannot handle an 8th class to the schedule. Sorry CCAD, cannot and willnot try.
I have also recently discovered that the graduation rate at Columbus College of Art and Design is quite the meager number.
49% of students will graduate from CCAD. This is apart from the 41% who drop out or transfer to a different school after their first year.
If I was the school, I wouldn't be promoting those statistics.
Either way, life is too short for me to be stressed out over classes that aren't of any specific interest to me. I will take things slow, completely understand , and do things the way things should be done for me.
I find no stupidity in that.
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