geometric shapes on a coffee mug

i walked away.
which started a nervous breakdown. you wouldn't be too proud to hear what i did. i don't handle stress or anxiety or problems in general very good. with my hands shaking and my head spinning, i ran out of the house, into my safety zone. the tracker.

give me your eyes
i need sunshine

the windows were down, even though it was 10 degrees outside. heat and music blasting inside. speeding down obvious streets where cops could have easily caught me. i am reckless in moments of panic.

I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn

eventually i blocked everything and began to believe i was someone else.



i had a dream about a dance, and someone important didn't come. as I was cleaning up purple frames with pictures of everyone I loved...I broke down in front of my asst. principle and began to cry.
in the dream i was crying so hard I couldn't breathe, my throat was closing up.
I woke up there, because I couldn't actually breathe.
intense.

i just had the immense urge to learn how to play the piano.


too old. too young. too whatever. i'll just make up an excuse so I don't have to put forth any real effort.

we were a goldmine

you were a stroke of luck

so am i supposed to feel guilty for the things i have written? there is nothing to say.

my mind spins. something always holds me back. what would You like me to do? and him? what does he want? and how about my family? or abby? or angela? or beth?if you just told me what you wanted, perhaps this whole life thing would be easier. i am told one thing and your actions say something else.

we were a goldmine and they gutted us

avec toi.









flip the switch

it was the best of times....

i was told yesterday that my mind was like a bad internet connection with lots of pop-ups.



i think it is true.

where eternal paths cross

what a disappointment.

how tragic that such an opportune day must be wasted on disappointment and aggravation. this is a selfish statement, but why should i waste my time doinjg things for other people that i really don't feel like doing.

it's 8:30 and i have no one to call, i only wish i had gone to the library.
you make me sick.
at 7:00 i get free minutes, but have no one to call. i don't know what is appropriate or healthy.

who gives a damn anyways.






not you.

even artichokes have hearts

i have gained a new batch of clothes to off-set the unsettled side of myself which i must mask with track jackets and bright colours.

the weather has turned bitter-cold. another juxtaposition you ask? I hope not. In fact I hope to get over whatever jealousy and bitter resentment I have grown and grow into a more mature human being. i must get past the thorns to get to the petals.

You know her.

'tis the season they say. the season of folly and make-believe romance for one night that just will end in drama and unfortunately let-down hearts. proof, yet again, that i overanticipate the future far too often.

Since when?

winter has cast a dry spell on my works. there is much for me to do, but my tools are unavailable and my motivation has run quite low. like my car, I'm on empty.

Since always.

winter makes the heart heavy. i look for optimistic sunny days and the reassuring warm breeze. i am not suitable for a weary traveller to ask me questions. I cannot provide so I ask that He will.

these are hard times for dreamers