only one glass left

Nothing turns as it should. Yes I have a pretty good idea of how things should turn out for me, but alas to the world jokes, I become gung ho and only come out with bruises. Nothing learned except don't trust whats easy, or hard, don't trust yourself, or the world, life is just a mess of guesses. The fear of dying with nothing to look forward to in the end, is probably true, and your secret hopes of heaven is probably a delusional hope, which will only leave you bruised. Or just nothing but dust in the grave. Which isn't as depressing when you have finished a bottle of wine, but even more depressing when you only have one bottle of wine. The last glass before bed and not even 8.


I get into bed, pull the covers over myself, then close my eyes. But even with my eyes closed, they feel like broken shades at a top of the window. My eyelids let the sun shine in. As the dam has been pushed through, the rubble flows through. The river sparkles of my stresses. I stand by the over flooded river watching money, morals, and family float by. My faith just sunk to the bottom. Not really a big dwal, it's not like I ever got an answer from it anyways. Faith was never too close to me. But as I take a gulg from the wine glass, I never really was too close to Faith either.

3 weeks since my last normal nights sleep. I wake up at least 2-4 times in the night. Perhaps tonight, I will sleep through the night. And perhaps tomorrow, there will be no worries. Or perhaps slightly less worries.