I've been sitting back lately. thinking of my place in this world. as a woman, human, the artist i think i secretly am. where do i fit in, with God, with the bible, i look at the women in the bible and i have to say honestly i don't have much to look up to. For a woman I have a very strong personality, confident, assertive. I would have to say intelligent or slightly ahead if i were to compare to other girls who worry about the next fuck. I don't even know where i am going with this post. I am asking an eternal question- where am i. I suppose it's something only time and experience can answer.

steady change

i consider myself a morning person, but this morning my eyes actually feel sore. probably due to the fact i had an emotional uproar last night. a little too much on my plate, too much to feel, i cried for half a second. I ran to the car with a cigarette in my fingers as soon as it was possible. so cold in may. just drive around, see my little town growing. as if my own religion, i hold to the future. future means hope, something forever changing. It's almost reliable, the changing. steady with the change.

so nanny school is getting a wee bit harder these days. I keep ignoring papers, worksheets, reading things. Not that I'm thinking I know all but, for a lack of motivation.so families everywhere. my agent told me about miami, florida area which I'm not sure how i feel about it. she says she can't see me in miami, i don't know if i can either. But it is a live-out position and they are willing to help pay rent. Very nice. But still miami? Also a family by boston, which i hear is a lovely place, but i really want nothing to do with upper east coast.
Picky picky. There are some families around here that are looking for nannies. And my agent said that both families would be a good fit for me. Which at this point of my life, would be the easiest. Not much traveling, I know, but set hours and I know the place. Something I take for granted everyday, i know this town. and a website on things to do with children, are surprisingly long, with things i have never heard about.
Pros:
1. Know the area. KNOW THE AREA!
2. i would be a live out!
3. I can save up my money with my family until then
4. set hours! (very rare for nannying)
5 kids are the perfect age for me, chances for a longer working period.
6 it would make my parents happy
7 it would make him happy
8 it would make my friends happy
9 which in turn would make my life easier and make me happy.
10 OH and i know where i can take pottery classes.

Cons:
1. Stuck in the area, nothing new (although like i said i can find new things)
2. not much traveling (i can do it on my own though)
3 i hate the winter
4 would be stuck in my parents place for 3 more months


looks like the pros win out.

i'm so sorry for the pain i cause you

on this no good, very bad day i had to choose (in the morning) to make mr. blue sky the song.

so this terrible day will be etched in my memory perhaps forever with mr. blue sky playing in the background.

mr. blue sky please tell us why you had to hide away for so long
where did we go wrong.